Letting go of old conflict (→helpful for holiday family gatherings❤️)

Do you ever replay old situations or old conflicts in front of your mind's eye?

And when you do that, do you notice that the old pain is so easily "re-awoken" and pulses through your veins with such intensity that you wonder if you've done any healing at all?

What I have found over the years of working with people from all walks of life is that what most often changes with time is the frequency with which we revisit old conflicts –not necessarily the intensity.

That darn sting in your heart can last so much longer than we wish it would, BUT it doesn't mean that you haven't made progress. It doesn't mean that things haven't healed over. It just means that there is sensitivity left.

Does that sound familiar?

As we are heading into the holiday season, I notice that many of my clients are contending with old family conflicts, old family wounds, old family drama.

As one client put it recently: “I am a grown woman. Why do I still worry about if so and so will get along or if ____ will say or do this and that?" 

Here is the thing:

Many of the women I work with are very sensitive in nature. They care deeply about establishing harmony and peace in their surroundings. And, many of my clients are mothers who don't want their own children to grow up in some of the family drama that they went through growing up. They are protective and so sometimes the intensity of old –especially childhood– pain can rear its head again a bit more if you have children yourself.

Here is what I would recommend for you to practice leading up to the holidays:

1. Practice interrupting your own thought patterns.

Let's say someone said something mean to you that hurt your feelings or there was an argumentative moment between two people you care about, make sure you are not regurgitating the content of that argument in your own mind ad nauseam. You're only making it worse for yourself, so gently remind yourself by saying “Stop! This is not helpful.”

2. Tend to your inner peace first.

We can become so preoccupied with trying to figure things out outside of our own bodies that we forget to tend to the inside first. Every situation outside of yourself will go more smoothly if you have one –however small– place inside your own heart that feels like a calm, safe pole. You cannot control what goes on outside of yourself, but you have power and influence over your own inner life, how you respond and position yourself, which battles you choose to fight. Take time and get to know your inner calm place really well, so when times get tense, you know where to get strength from.

3. Visualize the old conflicts to literally fly away. 

I don't believe that we can solve all problems. Some problems will simply be there and we have to learn how to live with them. What we can do, however, is change our relationship to them. Do we hold our problems close to us? Do we let them define us? Or, are we able to distance ourselves from whatever drama or unfortunate situation so that we can engage in our lives in a healthy and productive way? This is a matter of getting stuck or living freely. One way to create more distance is through visualization. Practice letting your problems or the people who hurt you fly off to a place a little further away from you, so that you can breath and make sound decisions. 

Sending you love and peace as we embark on the final chapter of this year ❤️

Warmly, 

Caroline