Navigating Social Media Mindfully

Before we dive in, I wanted to give you a head's up that The Joy Class Podcast is coming back next week and I am SO EXCITED!

Stay tuned for my first solo episode next Tuesday, 11/14 on “Turning 40 & Making Art In Italy.” 👩‍🎨🎨

Ok, on to today's topic:

A few weeks ago I sent out an email asking for your help. I wanted to know what questions you have for me; topics or personal struggles that you'd like my take and advice on.

(You can still submit your questions here.)

I was surprised to see that quite a few of you were curious about how I navigate my relationship with social media.

The truth is that I am still very much figuring it out and I suspect that my relationship with social media will go through different seasons depending on my personal desires, world events, and the evolution of my work.

Here's what's true for me in this moment: 

✦ I love seeing what my friends are up to –pictures of their kids, trips and happy moments bring me immense joy. 

✦ I love making the occassional pretty reel or share something I am excited about.

✦ I love following art, design and architecture accounts that add beauty and inspiration to my life.

AND here is what else is true: 

Social media depletes my energy, it fuels my anxiety and fears about the state of the world, and it leaves me looking at and momentarily wanting for things that I 100% do NOT need. In addition, I have had a growing desire for more privacy, more quiet, and my life to just be my life.

When I debate what to do with social media, I like to come back to the following (my go-to when making personal choices): 

I look at my desired feelings (mine currently are: calm, intentional, generous, graceful, joyful, resilient) and then I check if what I am deciding on supports or hinders the flow of these feelings.

When it comes to social media (for me, it's really only instagram) I can easily recognize that the time I spend on there is mostly not in support of how I want to feel in my life.

Partly, I think this is due to instagram's algorithm changing where it feels like my friend's photos have been swapped for ads and posts that are sparking charged debates and opposing views.

As a result, lately, I have chosen to log off a lot more and for longer periods of time and what I have found is that…

⟶ my inner world is calmer and I am much more present

⟶ I don't wake up at 2am with news images playing in front of my closed eyes

⟶ I am much more content with how I look and what I have

⟶ I have a surprising/ shocking amount of more time 

Here is what I was most shocked by when I initially logged off:
 

I realized that my fingers seemingly automatically navigated to instagram when I “had a moment” at my kids' pickup, while waiting for the water to boil, between calls etc.

I noticed that often I didn't even make the conscious decision to go on instagram… it just somehow happened all on its own until I logged off and would end up on the log-in screen instead. That is when I had a choice whether to log in or not.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but that was truly my experience.

I started to wonder if that is how I wanted to spend the “in-between moments” of my life.

Instead of giving my nervous system a minute to reset and recalibrate, for my body and mind to have a moment of pause and presence, I would saturate it with images and videos that further added to the mental load of what my brain had to sort through.

Why was I doing this to myself?

Here are some of the “arguments” I heard when I listened:

✦ SM is helping you stay in touch with friends and family who live far away.

✦ It's important to be informed and how dare you turn away from the painful news when you are not even the one suffering?

✦ Your business depends on social media. Who will come on your podcast or collaborate with you if you don't have a social media presence?

Hmmm… I sat with these arguments for a while and then decided the following: 

• Staying in touch with my friends and family is very important to me, but is daily, constant SM use really the only way I can do that? Perhaps I can catch up on my dearest friends accounts once a week? Plus, I can set up other communication channels. I've been loving voice notes.
   

• Being informed also feels important to me. However, consuming horrifying images and witnessing online fights between people who have differing views doesn't feel helpful. In fact, it feels paralyzing to me. As a result, I have chosen to listen to a daily 10-minute news podcast called The Newsworthy that keeps me informed via audio only. 
   

• Running an online business does require having an online presence and I am in the midst of trying to understand where I stand with this. We will see how I navigate this going forward.

Sooo, you see First name / love, I get that SM isn't an easy reality to navigate. It's not only good or only bad. It has elements of both and that's why it's complex and requires our careful navigation.

I want to encourage you to take charge or your relationship with social media and make adjustments depending on YOUR on-going and evolving needs. 

Here are my questions for you to help YOU navigate your relationship with social media:

1. What are your personal desired feelings?

2. Is your social media use in alignment with your desired feelings?

3. If yes, great. If not, then what steps and modifications do you need to make so that you can live in greater alignment with your desired feelings and the life you want to live?

4. What are you gaining from SM? Can you gain that in a different way, too?

5. What is your SM costing you? What boundaries do you need to set to cut those costs?

Remember, you are in charge, my friends.

Love, 

Caroline