A mom at soccer practice asked me THIS question…

A couple weeks ago, I was chatting with another mom from my son's soccer team. She asked what I do and so I shared with her that my coaching business has evolved into a few different things over the last decade, but that I currently focus on helping women and couples rediscover their joy so that they can then use that joy as fuel to create lives they can thrive in.

She was quiet for a moment and then asked:

“Do you feel a lot of pressure to always be joyful yourself?”

I appreciate that questions so much and also adored her courage to just ask me that. It's so refreshing when you meet someone who just says what's on their mind. I love that!

Here's what I said:

I honestly don't anymore.

Granted, in the early years of my coaching career, I felt that I needed to have my life in perfect order to feel like a “qualified” coach. But I quickly learned that that is an uphill battle nobody can win. It wasn't authentic, real, or helpful to anyone. 

Now, I actively strive to undo our cultural obsession with perfectionism. It's so harmful, especially for young people.

Here is what I believe and strive to embody instead:

Just like nature, we all go through seasons. We all go through personal falls, winters, springs, and summers. That is how we evolve and grow. 

We are not meant to live in a perpetual summer.

It's important to let yourself go through the darker and colder seasons of life knowing that they are simply part of being human.

A personal winter doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. Your winter isn't an attack on you.

The goal in those harder seasons is to not abandon yourself, to not shut down or reject yourself.

The questions during those times are:

• Do you turn against yourself when things get hard or can you stick by your own side?

• Do you become destructive and drag everything down into the dirt or can you find the small joys even when life feels difficult?

• Can you do hard things and will you let those challenges make you stronger and grow your perseverance?

That is the work you are being asked to do during your personal winters.

What do you get in return for this very hard work?

You build resilience, strength and self-trust.

Can you imagine the confidence you will feel when spring does return (as it always does)? Confidence from knowing you can do hard things and come out on the other end.

I am of the steadfast opinion that human being need to struggle sometimes. We need to be challenged and experience contrast. Not as punishment, but as an opportunity.

Without it, life would be one flat, uninteresting line. The world would be filled with people who feel entitled to constant pleasure and have no substance.

Do you see what I mean?

So, to go full circle and directly answer my new soccer-mom friend's question: 

I do my best to soak up all the beauty and sunshine and full-blown joy I get from my personal summers knowing that my inner seasons will cycle.

When fall and winter eventually come, I allow myself pull back and to use the tools I have practiced to let myself feel the truth of my experience while also staying connected to the simple joys in my life as best as I can.

I remember that spring will come and that what matters is that I stick by my side and treat myself with grace and compassion. I remind myself that challenging times are inevitable, but that I can do hard things. I remember that confidence has less to do with feeling good and much more to do with trusting myself. 

And then, when spring arrives, I make sure I drop the heavy coats and ravish and delight in the return of sunny days and blooming flowers. I let gratitude settle into my bones and warm up my body.

And so the cycle continues.

Does this resonate with you?

I would love to know.

With love, 

Caroline