Worrying. Why we cannot afford it & how to handle it.

Worry: The companion that keeps you up at night, fuels your anxiety, and robs you of enjoying precious moments.

But is it completely pointless?

Back in the caveman days the ones who worried about the tiger lurking, food going bad, storms approaching had a better chance of survival. The ability to worry -or, to be highly alert!- was given to us for a reason.

The problem is that we were not designed to worry about every global event. We are not designed to hold, digest, respond and eventually make peace with every worrisome occurrence and bad piece of news from the entire globe.

Plus with the emergence of technology and cell phones which translates into constant accessibility, we are now fine-tuned to worry about small things: if someone runs late but doesn’t tell us (“They must have gotten into an accident”), if someone doesn’t respond immediately (“Are they mad/ annoyed at me?”) and so on…

We have lost our capacity to be comfortable with a little bit of uncertainty. Our reactivity and sense of emergency is at an all time high.

Worrying today does not just mean being alert, but it more often than not means ruminating and painting pictures of the worst possible outcomes. And, this is perfect playground for anxiety!

Did you know that rumination is a key indicator for depression?

In other words, worrying without boundaries and without a few strategies to ground and calm ourselves is not just exhausting, it is actually making us sick, leaving us feeling pessimistic, anxious and joyless.

That’s a problem, wouldn’t you agree?

In our world today where we are more connected than ever and therefore also have a responsibility to show up for each other and the planet in a productive way, we need to maintain our optimism, we need to fuel our energy, we need to be alert without letting worry defeat us.

So here is my point:

Our circumstances have changed from our caveman days, we live in a global community, so what we need to feel well and keep our minds healthy, vibrant, and smart also needs to change and adjust.

Here are 3 steps that I believe are necessary to keep your mind healthy and yourself in a positive forward momentum where optimism, not worry or fear run your life:

1. Boundaries.

Do you know that the average person feels uncomfortable if their phone is more than 6 feet away from them? Can you imagine any other relationship in your life where you felt uncomfortable if that person is more than 6 feet away from you? Terrible, right?! ;)

In a time where accessibility to you, but also to information, the news, advertising etc. is literally CONSTANTLY available, we are now in the very important position to create boundaries that we simply didn’t need to establish before we had smart phones for instance.

Let me ask you: Do you sleep next to your phone? Do you have designated times when you turn your phone off? Do you wake up to yourself or to the messages of the world? Do you feel uncomfortable if you forget your phone at home? I am not judging you here, but I want to bring these things to your attention because they are all things that are gasoline on your worry fire.

Answer this: What boundaries do you need with technology to calm your nervous system, feel more grounded and have more space to just be present in your real life without external stimulation or input?

2. Catch yourself & interrupt.

An exercise I often do with clients is to have them observe their thoughts. Most people don’t even notice when they slip from a worrying or negative thought into lengthy rumination and worst-outcome fabrications. Catching it takes practice and awareness, but it is a muscle you can build and it’s the non-negotiable first step to building a healthier, more optimistic, lighter mindset.

When you catch yourself, you interrupt your thoughts by saying to yourself aloud (if possible) something like “Stop! This is not helpful. I am slipping into worrying and I don’t want to worry any longer. It is robbing me of enjoying my life, being productive, and feeling optimistic.” And then, very important!, you follow it up with an action that is redirecting your attention back into a positive flow.

Practice & know this: It’s ok to repeat these two steps (interrupting and redirecting yourself) a few times if your mind isn’t willing to let whatever worry go easily. It takes practice, but it works! Trust me.

3. Make space for joy.

As a joy advocate, I believe that the more joy we have in our life the harder it is to believe our worries, fears and anxieties.

The best part: Joy (not happiness!) is accessible anytime if you decide to make space for it.

There is joy to be found in small and big things alike, in people, in conversations, in nature, in your own thoughts… YOU GET TO DECIDE!

The more joy you invite into your life, the more moments you carve out to look for something joyful or recall something joyful, the more you train your mind to automatically spot joy, the easier it will get.

This doesn’t mean that you ignore the problems of the world (I strongly believe that we have a collective responsibility to look out for each other), it just means that you are far better equipped to confront the real problems from a grounded (not anxious) place.

In other words, the benefits of cultivating consistent joy are endless: more optimism, better focus & energy, greater health, deeper relationships, easier time motivating yourself, feelings of lightness and trust, greater resilience and strength to handle the difficult parts of life.

Answer this: What brings you joy? How can you do more of that? Who are the people you feel joyful around? How can you spend more time with them? What thoughts and memories bring you joy? What future plans do you want to make that feel joyful?

I know this was a longer post than usual, but as you can tell, I am super passionate about this topic. After the last two years of pandemic life coupled with the current war climate in Europe on top of a warming planet, we simple cannot afford to give into the lethargy of our worrying minds that set the stage for spiraling anxiety. It is simply not helpful. We need to be healthy and optimistic and grounding firmly in our abilities, our resilience, and our joy to be here and alive.

I bet you feel the same.

So, let’s do this.

Let’s create boundaries so we can feel healthy and clear, let’s look at our worries straight on and choose better, let’s make space for joy so we can feel fueled and optimistic and remain in a forward momentum.

You got this. We got this!

xo,

Caroline

PS: Stay tuned for more info on building JOY and accessing it more EASILY. I’ve got something in the works for you:)