Am I really allowed to do this? 🤔
I recently decided that I would dedicate a specific time each week DURING THE DAY to doing something creative.
(So far, I have really only been painting in the evening after the kids go to sleep, but something in me really desires this practice to take up a larger portion of my life and come into daylight.)
If you’re curious what my creative practice looks + feels like click on the image below.
When I made this decision and put it into my calendar, it felt amazing, empowering, a little cheeky (which always gives me a nice little thrill;)).
Then, the day came when it was time for me to put my work and to-do’s to the side and pull out paper and paint.
It was so hard.
Why was this so hard? I had planned for this time. I was excited for it. I know having creative time makes me feel happy and alive and vibrant…. Like the woman I want to be. But I also had work I needed to get done that day, deadlines to meet, emails to write.
Then all the doubtful thoughts came rushing in…
Am I really allowed to have this creative piece in my life that I dedicate time to during the day?
Am I really allowed to spend time doing something that really has no productive point at all?
Is this wise and smart to do in a season of my life when time already feels scarce?
Shouldn’t I be working or meal prepping or signing up my kids for summer camp?
Have you ever experienced this battle between the mind and the heart?
Your mind tries to convince you to be productive, reasonable, disciplined, to stay within the rules. Meanwhile your heart is aching, longing, desiring for joy and freedom and pleasure.
And you are right there in the middle feeling pulled by your heart, then guilt-tripped by your mind.
Are you going to be the good girl or the rebel?
Well, in this case, I am choosing REBEL!
Here is why:
I don’t even know why the “rules” are what they are. Who made them? Who decided that productivity is more important than pleasure not just sometimes, but all the time? Who decided that mothers need to put all of their own desires to the side and live in service to others? Who decided to cut out flow from the equation and that only hustles was the way to success?
Staying in the always productive, sacrificing good girl shoes makes me feel impatient, angry, and trapped and I am no fun for anyone if I am like that. I need places in my life that are just my own, practices that bring me pleasure and joy and that feel completely effortless, peaceful and light.
It makes me happy.
So let me ask you:
Do you feel confined by the rules that who-knows-who made? What would you like to change to feel more alive, light and happy? What needs to be rearranged in your life to make that space? I know this last one is so tricky –it was and is for me, too!–but if you really want this, I know you can do it!
Here is to you stepping into a more expansive, happier, free-er version of YOU.
XO,
Caroline
