What are your INNER habits?

We often think of our habits as the things we DO or ENGAGE in regularly.

It’s important to look at our habits, because these simple –often small and unconscious things– that we do consistently dictate so many of the outcomes and prevalent feelings in our lives.

Habits can be positive and nourishing or negative and destructive, so increasing your awareness for them is one way to step into greater self-leadership in your life.

Many of us try to cultivate habits that promote our well-being, because we are critically aware of their importance. These often include things like healthy eating, exercising, drinking plenty of water, healthy skincare routines etc.

At the same time, we try to kick unhelpful habits like snacking late at night, consuming too much sugar (or, in my case, the kids left-overs;)), scrolling on social media for endless hours, going to bed too late and so forth.

How often have you said to yourself “I just have to get into the habit of________.”

No doubt, habits are powerful!

But, what about our INNER habits specifically?

Have you considered those?

Positive inner habits include things like practicing kindness to yourself and others, bringing gratitude to the forefront, optimism, seeing beauty and good around you, approving of yourself and so on.

More hindering inner habits include things like impatience, pessimism, self-criticism, judging others or yourself, perfectionism, jealousy, anxiety…

Those inner habits are difficult to ditch, but they, too, dictate so much of the quality of our human experience. And, I beg to argue that those inner habits, in fact, dictate so much of the long-term success of our outer habits.

So, let’s take a look at our less helpful inner habits and see what we can consciously do to promote a healthier inner life that will set us up for a successful life in more general terms.

Below are a few steps I have outlined for you.

I apply each step to one of my own inner habits –impatience 😩– in order to better illustrate how you would work with your own inner habit.

Step 1: Become aware of your inner habits. Start with just noticing one and working on that ONE.

For me, impatience is an inner habit (and maybe also something that was passed down to me genetically, because nobody in my family is particularly patient).

What I notice for myself is that when impatience arrives, I often feel rushed inside. I want things to go faster. I expect myself to get things done quickly and then I get triggered or angry (at myself or others) when things don’t go fast enough.

This is something I work on in my parenting all the time, because toddlers aren’t exactly fast at anything (other than running away from you when they’re not supposed to :)). Being a mother has taught me a lot in that department, but still it is an on-going practice for me to have patience with others, and very much so, with myself.

Step 2: Observe how this inner habit plays out in your life.

You can imagine that for me, long lines at the grocery store, the airport etc. trigger a stress response.

When I wait for something that was supposed to have arrived already, I get flustered and annoyed. I notice that my mind starts racing and I feel robbed of precious time that leads my throat to feel tense and tight.

Most importantly, when I am in a state of impatience, I stop being present, I don’t really listen, and my mind spirals equating that long line with a personal insult.

You see, I am not only robbed of time, I am now also robbed of joy.

Step 3: Think or journal about why you hold on to this inner habit?

Underneath my impatience is the belief that unless something gets done now, it will never get done. Somewhere inside of me, I believe that if I slow down or surrender, I will miss something, things will get out of control, or worse that if something slips through the cracks, everything I worked for will come crumbling down.

In addition to that, I also know that I simply enjoy being efficient. As someone who values time and likes feeling organized, I crave the feeling of knowing that things are getting done so I don’t have to think about them anymore. It allows my mind the space it needs to relax and feel calm.

Step 4: What would you like to transform this inner habit into?

When I ask myself this question, the answer that comes up for me most readily is two-fold.

First, I want to be clear on situations that are within my power or control and which situations are not.

For instance, applying pressure or spreading angry vibes at the airport, does nothing. How can I redirect my inner habit of impatience into surrender in those moments?

I could take a deep breath. I could strike up a fun conversation with the person behind or in front of me. I could listen to a podcast. In other words, I could use the long line as an opportunity to be present and do something I enjoy.

(If you’re a fellow parent you might be rolling your eyes because admittedly, this is muuuuuch harder when you’re with your kids, but hey, I guess those are the times I will be pulling out all the snacks in my bag along with a show on the ipad. I can move all of us into surrender and save my own sanity, which will ultimately benefit everyone.)

Second, in times when my impatience can actually serve me to be more efficient, I want to commit to still being kind.

In other words, how can my impatience be positive fuel versus fire that will burn down everyone in my path. This latter one is the one I really want to work on in order to transform my inner habit of impatience into an inner habit of efficiency coupled with kindness. THIS is something I can commit to, something I can actively practice.

Afterall, habits are formed as a result of committed practice.

Now, over to you: what are your inner habits? What is an inner habit that you would like to transform? Take yourself through the steps outlined above to see how you can transform a habit that feels destructive now into one that is helpful for you in your life.

Love,

Caroline

PS: If you’ve been wanting to work with a coach or are simply curious about how coaching can help you, I am opening up a few new coaching spots in the late summer/ early fall. If you’d like to learn more about coaching you can click here. And if you’d like to hop on a 20 minute consultation (they are free), you can fill out this quick form here. As a life & health coach, topics I most often help women with include (but are not limited to): anxiety, stress, relationships, self-care/ self-love, general lack of joy or meaning or purpose in life, career transitions, hormonal health, motherhood challenges.