How to slow down
Many of my conversations with my private clients are about feeling exhausted, stressed, anxious, like there’s never a break, they are always on…
As a result, many experience feeling angry, frustrated, easily irritated, flustered, all over the place, claustrophobic in their own lives…
And as a result of that, many eventually have something physical come up –examples include cysts, fibroids, hernias, wrist or shoulder injuries, debilitating migraines, neck or lower back pain… or chronic, autoimmune conditions where your own immune system turns against you– that quite literally forces them to stop everything and ask for help.
Why is it so enormously difficult for us to slow down?
Why does it so often take an injury or pain to force women to rest, ask for help, say “no” more often, and give themselves the space to breathe and not be “always on.”
I know this feeling all too well.
In 2009, I went through a back injury and surgery when I was only in my mid-20s that literally forced me to change everything in my life… for the better (I just didn’t know it then).
I write about this in my story here, if you are curious.
In today’s post I want to share a few things that, I deeply hope, will help you to ACTUALLY slow down:
The first and most important step is for you to actually DECIDE that you will truly COMMIT to actually slowing down.
I cannot tell you how often I hear from people “I need to slow down” without any actual commitment or plan to back it up.
They know they need to slow down.
Their bodies are already telling them.
Their brains and souls feel depleted.
But they also always argue that “right now, slowing down is impossible” or “I just have to get through this next thing (& then the next and the next and the next).”
In other words, they don’t seriously consider slowing down, but rather, they hope that it will just happen “soon.”
And you know what, I TOTALLY get that feeling that slowing down is impossible.
I have three small kids, run my own business, and am married to someone who also runs his own business… I GET feeling pressed for time and like slowing down is impossible.
But, I also know from my own experience with injuries that, ultimately, you do not have a choice. Your body will find a way to slow you down if you don’t listen.
So here is what I want to encourage you to do:
If you know that you need to slow down, DECIDE it and trust that if you commit, you will find a way.
It won’t be perfect or easy. In fact, let’s expect it to be messy and know that you will likely get sucked back into doing too much from time to time, but you will adjust, learn and FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!
I promise.
Slowing down, doing less, and creating more space in your life requires a real, active decision and a willingness to guard your space, be more selective about your commitments, and clarity on what you do dedicate your energy to.
It won’t happen passively.
Once you have made the firm decision that slowing down is what you really want, need, and desire, take a moment and feel that decision in your body and in your mind.
Do you feel yourself relax already with the vision that a slower time in coming, that you are taking that step? Or do you feel anxious? Be honest here.
The next step is for you to really understand YOUR PERSONAL WHY!
Why do you want to slow down?
Why is it necessary?
Who are you doing it for?
Most women who tell me that they need to slow down also tell me that, frankly, they feel like shit.
They are often:
“always exhausted”
feel enormous pressure
have tight shoulders and necks
either forget to eat or emotionally over-eat
don’t move their bodies often enough
worry extensively at night
their brain feels like confetti
they feel on edge and yell too easily at people they love
they feel like they are the only ones keeping things together and running smoothly
the list goes on…
When we talk about their WHY, they often tell me that they want to do the things they are doing better and with more focus, they want to be more present and patient and loving towards the people who matter the most, they want to feel more creative in their mind and at ease in their bodies, they want to have more fun.
And they fear that if they keep going at the pace they are going, they will become sick, they will alienate people they love, they will turn into a crazy person they don’t even like to be, they worry that they will get to end of their lives feeling like they wasted their time on earth running errands, checking boxes, and pleasing people they don’t actually care about.
So, what is YOUR WHY?
Make sure you feel deeply connected to your why! This is your motivation and will get back on track when you fall off…. and we all fall off once in a while!!
Once you have taken the two steps above and you feel firm in your decision to find ways to slow down and you feel deeply connected to your WHY, I want to offer you some strategic action steps you can take right now.
Create accountability and a support system.
Tell 3 people you are close to that you have made the decision to actively work on slowing down and tell them your WHY. If you are living with someone, especially if this person is co-parenting or running the house with you, make sure you tell that person!Make a list of all the things you are currently doing and highlight the ones that are draining your energy.
Look at that list and decide (boldly!) which ones of those can you either cross off completely, outsource to another person or service, delay for next year, or simply say “no” to?
(Note: I know there is a lot of guilt that women feel when they back out of commitments. Nobody likes to disappoint someone else. But the truth is that you are giving from an empty cup and, at the same time, preventing someone else from doing that job from a full cup.)Stop rushing and honor the things that you are doing.
One of the greatest myths is that if we rush we will be able to do A LOT more. Maybe you’ll be able to squeeze in an extra text or two, but the truth is that more than anything rushing just makes things less pleasurable. It sucks the joy out of everything and it won’t actually safe you that much time. You can still do things in a timely manner without constantly hitting the gas pedal. In fact, you will do them much better and you will feel much more accomplished. So make sure you take those deep breathes, collect your focus and honor the things you do dedicate your energy to even if it’s minuscule things like folding laundry.
This is a fast topic and everyone has their own complexities to navigate, but I hope this is helpful for you as a start!
I know slowing down can feel like a revolutionary step in our busy, strange world, but I KNOW that if you really decide and commit, you can do it!
If you want some personal help making some changes in your life, I have recently opened up a few new spots for coaching clients. You can fill out an application here and we can connect for a free 20 minute consultation to see if we are a fit.
Love,
Caroline
