Let's take a look at this together: Who are you becoming?

A few days ago I looked at my oldest son, Felix, who is 5 years old.

I let my thoughts wander and remembered when I was pregnant with him, when I gave birth to him, when I looked at him for the first time.

I remembered how I felt as a new mom, what our life looked like living in Brooklyn.

I remembered how my work changed and adjusted to make space for Felix and motherhood.

I remembered how my marriage began to shift to accommodate a new being into our family.

I remembered how I felt in my own body.

Then I realized just HOW MUCH I have changed and unfolded in the last 5 years of my life… and notice that I am referring to how “I” have changed, not how my life has changed (although they are connected, they are different lenses to look and feel through)!

I noticed for example that 5 years ago, I really felt more like a hip, fun GIRL who was passionate about health and well-being and discovering what it takes to create a joyful, fulfilling life. I was bopping through Williamsburg feeling like a butterfly who had to look at everything bright and shiny.

A lot of my energy was extroverted and I felt like I wanted to embrace and pull in the whole world. I was like a sponge soaking up information, emerging ideas, new trends that could help me become a better coach and person. I wanted to be around others all the time. The pulsating rhythm of city life fueled my energy like crazy.

I loved thinking about me 5 years ago and am so grateful for that time, but I also immediately noticed how much I have changed since then.

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Today, when I feel into myself, I feel heavier… and I don’t mean from a weight perspective, but from an existential perspective… I feel less airy and more grounded in the warmth of my WOMANHOOD (on most days… some days of corona life with three kids 5 and under, I feel like a spinning tornado trying to keep up ;)).

Comparing my Self to who I was 5 years ago, I notice that while I can and still love to be social and spend time with my girlfriends, I am not as extroverted anymore. Being around lots of people can zap my energy instead of fuel it.

While I still love learning, I know what I like now, what resonates with my soul, what I am good at, and so I gain joy from going deep instead of broad. I find freedom and soul-connection in the details I discover instead of the big ideas I used to search for. I prefer now to focus on fewer things, but give those things my whole attention. I feel slower, but in a good, productive way. Less frantic and more focused.

The same is true for how I love. My love for my husband has deepened so much along with my love for my kids, which to me is just an unexplainable kind of deep love.

And lastly, I also noticed that I miss certain elements from who I was 5 years ago that I want to stay in touch with and re-invite when the time is right. This includes things like being spontaneous, going on retreats for spiritual growth, and not being so tied to the clock… these are hard with a baby and kids who thrive when there is a routine. But I want to make a commitment to keep these elements of life in my backpocket.

What I liked about this exercise is that it gave me insight into how I have unfolded in the last 5 years and showed me the journey I am on. It showed me the trajectory of my personal evolution of who I am becoming and it helped me embrace who I am now.

In full transparency, I also want to say that this personal unfolding wasn’t a straight line AT ALL. For the three years I lived in San Francisco, I felt very far away from feeling like a hip, fun girl or a warm, grounded woman… in fact, I often felt more like a confused teenager, but I recognize that this, too, was a necessary part of my evolution. I share this because I don’t want you to turn this exercise into a judgement exercise, but I want to ask you to NOTICE who you are becoming.

Here are some questions I want to offer you:

  • How have you unfolded, changed and grown in the last 5 year?

  • What did you like then? What do you like now?

  • What did you want and desire then? What do you want and desire now?

  • What thoughts excited you then? What thoughts, ideas, and plans give you pleasure now?

  • What and who gave you energy then? What and who gives you energy now?

  • Which skins have you shed?

  • Which skins are you still trying to fit into that simply no longer fit you now?

I hope these questions help you explore your own unfolding and support you in gaining clarity in who you are becoming. I also hope that they serve as a mini platform for you to gain confidence in declaring and being yourself now instead of reaching for an old identity.

Allow yourself to change and unfold over time. That’s the only way to stay authentic and authenticity is key to creating a life you really love.

These questions are also great to explore with your partner!

Sending love.

Warmly,
Caroline

Caroline Zwickson

Caroline Zwickson is a Life & Health Coach with a background in Counseling Psychology. She helps her clients discover their own authentic paths, so they can thrive in their own way.

http://www.carolinezwickson.com
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