Taking on our addiction to overstimulation (this is for your whole family!)

About a year ago, I started doing more inner work again and really asking myself how I felt in my life and what I needed.

Hendrix was 18 months and had just weaned from nursing completely. My body was in a shift hormonally –which is always a phase in which I feel more open, raw, and vulnerable. I remember one of those mornings, returning from a walk through SF’s mission district, when it hit me just how overstimulated I felt.

Some of the overstimulation came simply from having adult responsibilities, maintaining a home, running a business, being more needed than ever as a mother, living in a bustling and noisy city, BUT, what I soon realized tipped the scale over for me to a point where I almost felt panicked was this silent voice that creeps through our whole society that whispers “It’s not enough. Do more. You’re not on top of it. Try harder. You are falling behind/ missing out.”

This societal voice uses the threat of insufficiency to get us to do ever more.

Do you see how it pushes us to take on more than we can handle?

From my personal experience as well as through my work with women and mothers, I see that this is true for everyone: young single women, married women, mothers, divorcees, rich women who never worry about money and women who live paycheck to paycheck.

What happens is that we not only live in constant overstimulation –which only leads to brain confetti that prevents any kind of clarity not to mention good intuition to settle in– but we transfer this pressure to our children.

I noticed this when Felix started to ask me when I pick him up from school if we can listen to “quiet music” on the way home.

My whole body reacted when he asked me this question because I realized in that moment that one of my primary roles as his mother living in our society is not to provide ever more exposure to stimulation/ activities/ people, but perhaps a more important role is to protect his secret and private space.

A space where he can feel calm, grounded and peaceful.

A space where he can hear his own thoughts and needs and decide if he wants to be active or if he needs to relax.

A space where he can invent his own games and use his imagination instead of just running with our schedule.

A space that is his where he learns what it’s like to simply be with himself.

I began to ask myself:

Do our kids really need to be running from (pre)school to an activity every day?

Will they really only gain appropriate social skills if we sign them up for karate, gymnastics, swimming and music class?

Will a few slow afternoons at home where not much is happening really f* them up?

Is it really our responsibility to entertain our kids 24/7, to keep them busy and stimulated non-stop?

(To all the moms rolling their eyes saying “You don’t get it. My kids are WILD! I have to tire them out”: I hear you! As a mom of two wild toddler boys, I very well understand the temptation to have lots of activities planned… on many days, my boys really do just need to get out of the house and RUN, but what I am learning is that there’s a difference between the stimulation that occurs in structured group activities with orders, commands, expectations and tons of other kids, and the stimulation of simply running on a lawn, kicking a ball, or digging into sand.)

We have to ask ourselves: Who are we putting on this whole show for?

And, while we are at it, you know what I also realized:

I owe this to myself, too.

The temptation and pressures of overstimualtion are as real for adults as they are for kids (as a mother, it’s just sometimes easier to see –and take serious– our kids’ needs than our own… but we can learn from what we observe in them, because it is often also true for us!).

What I learned about myself is this:

I also need to be the protector of my own space and make sure that I am not driven by external shoulds and guilt-ridden messages to constantly do and be more.

What if I could proudly tell my own narrative in a way that shows that my life actually wasn’t stressful or always busy, and that I wasn’t constantly tired or stretched thin?

What if my narrative told a story of a woman who had space for ample joy, for a peaceful mind, for a well nourished body and mind, for a positive rhythm that guided her days so she could be productive, imaginative, funny, loving, and light? And what if her narrative didn’t include these oh-so common themes of guilt, exhaustion, and over-extension?

Here’s the truth: I know that people would judge it.

A life like that doesn’t sound exactly productive or like I am maximizing my time, talents or resources. It doesn’t make me sound like a “hustler.”

But the only reason that is true is because of our society’s addiction to overstimulation and busyness as a sign of worth, importance, and productivity.

We forget that often the most productive thing we can do is to align our actions with what we actually want and focus our attention on less instead of more.

Taking on our addiction to overstimulation means:

• going against what society tells us is important for a successful person.

• going against marketing campaigns who are trying to sell us into ever more crap we don’t need.

• going against parenting styles that make us believe that in order for our kids to have good social skills we must entertain them and expose them to as many people and experiences as possible.

• rejecting our own fatalistic fears that unless our kids are enrolled in everything early, they will fall behind and never catch up/ be successful.

• saying “No!” more often.

• getting serious about leading a life based on your intuitive needs (instead of external guidelines).

• being PROUD about creating a life of time and space instead of exhaustion and burn-out.

In other words, taking on our addiction to systematic overstimulation –and raising overstimulated, anxious, disconnected-from-themselves kids– means having the balls, the courage, and the intuition to lead a life that is based on what FEELS good; not what LOOKS good.

If this resonates with you, I want to invite you RIGHT NOW to take a closer look at your life and ask:

Where do you feel overstimulated?

Where in your body do you feel overstimualtion?

Where in your life do you feel stretched too thin?

What can you say “no” to?

Where can you get more support?

What’s on your plate simply because you’d feel guilty if it wasn’t on there?

What do you simply do because it looks good even though you deep down know it doesn’t feel good?

Where can you simplify your life?

And if you have kids, ask yourself:

What do my kids really need to be nourished really well?

How can I help my kids to cultivate a peaceful, creative, joyful inner life?

Which activities are fueling them (& our family) and which are simply too much?

What are some of the pressures and guilty messages I have as a mother that I want to let go of because they are not actually doing anyone any good?

How can I introduce more calm, relaxing energies into our days? (I find music to be a wonderful tool… we often play this Spotify playlist on the way to and from school as well as in the evenings).

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this below!

Here is to all of us, collectively, changing our addiction to overstimulation and beginning to create lives that are full of intention, meaning, joy, positive relationships with ourselves and intuitive awareness.

I know we can do this. Not perfectly every day, but step-by-step consistently.

I believe in you and that your life wants to be the way you’ve always desired for it to be!

Love,

Caroline