How to become a happier person
Have you ever heard someone say something along the lines of “I don’t have insane expectations of my kids. I just want them to be happy?” When I hear it (or say it to myself;)) I cannot help but think: “Oh, so you actually have the greatest expectation of all.”
What silently comes through in statement like this is that happiness should be easy, that not having any expectations, ambitious goals or pressures on you will make someone more likely to be happy.
I think this is false.
I believe that happiness is deeply connected to having purpose, feeling meaningful, feeling empowered, and seeing the value you contribute unfold into something useful, beautiful, or joyful.
Of course, having too much pressure and outrageous expectation on you will lead to stress and eventually to things like self-doubt, low confidence and other undesirable feelings that are counter-productive to happiness.
There has to be a balance.
Now, let me be upfront: There is rarely a topic I like to think and talk about more than HAPPINESS.
In fact, exploring happiness –whether it is my own or someone else’s– makes me happy :)
✧ But what if you don’t feel as comfortable with happiness?
✧ What if happiness has been an inconsistent, unreliable companion for you?
✧ What if happiness “doesn’t run in” your family?
✧ What if you have been faced with deep sadness, grief, and trauma?
Over the last 12+ years of deeply engaging with people’s life stories, I know how varied all of our paths are, how different our upbringings, our DNA, our experiences, and our perceptions are.
We can spend a lot of time diving into the nuances of happiness and how this feeling that we all seem to seek weaves itself through our lives, but what I am hoping to do in this post is to offer a few simple steps anyone can take to STEP INTO A DEEPER and MORE AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP with their happiness.
Step 1: What does happy look like for YOU? Go one level deeper.
e.g.: Does the feeling of being happy settle into you when you are with people you love? When you are connected to your community? When you are in nature? When you feel important? When you feel needed? When you feel creative? When you feel expressed? When you feel seen? When you feel celebrated? When you have alone time? When you feel playful? When you feel free? When you feel accomplished? When you are learning something new?
We all experience happiness through different avenues, so the task here is to make this list your own. Make it as unique and authentic to you as possible.
Step 2: What leaks and diminishes your happiness?
e.g.: A lack of sleep, certain types of people, alcohol or other drugs, certain foods, certain types of weather, negative thoughts, old relationships that haven’t been examined carefully, bickering in your marriage, lots of noise or lots of quiet, lack of good friendships or too many social expectations, worrying, self-bullying, perfectionism, poor boundaries.
Again, the point here is to get a laser-sharp understanding of what drains and blocks your personal happiness from thriving.
Step 3: Your Happy Day
A happy life starts with a happy day, so let’s start small. Take a piece of paper or your journal and write down “My Happy Day” on the top of the page. Then, starting with the moment you wake up, walk through your day step by step building in the information you gathered in step 1 & 2 above. What would a happiness soaked day look like for YOU?
Step 4: Take Small action now
It’s impossible to implement everything you learned in the above exercises in one go. Instead begin to weave in one realization at a time. If you feel happy when you are connected to others, ask yourself whose presence you really enjoy and make a plan with that person. If you feel happy when you are being celebrated, ask yourself what you want to be celebrated for and start engaging in that.
If you discovered that drinking only makes you happy for a few hours but then leaves you sadder the next day, maybe give it a break for a month. If bickering or disharmony at home is a happiness drainer, start working with a therapist or a coach to create new solutions and fresh patterns.
Regardless what you choose to do, be gentle with yourself when something doesn’t work out. This won’t be a perfect straight shoot, but step by step, the more you invite and make intentional space for specific and AUTHENTIC TO YOU happiness fuelers, the happier your life will become as a whole.
I promise:)
One final note, just like you are always evolving as a person, your happiness will evolve as well. That’s why I recommend revisiting the above steps ever so often: to realign your happiness with your evolution. That is how is can stay authentic and powerful.
I deeply hope this is helpful and serves you and your happiness:)
It is our happiness that makes the world a better, more energized, more creative, and more peaceful place.
With love,
Caroline
PS: My new mini course Easy Joy is now open for enrollment at anytime from anywhere - YAY! To celebrate this launch I am offering 20% off the course if you sign up by Monday, Sep 5th – use code LABORDAY20.
What is Easy Joy?
Easy Joy is a simple 28-day challenge helping pull JOY back into the center of your life.
