She's here πWhat I learned from giving birth during COVID
I'm writing today to introduce you to my third baby, my daughter, Zoe Lena Caroline.
Zoe was born on April 27th, so she is just a little over 2 weeks old and Raz, the boys, and I are head over heels in love with her π₯°π
If you've been with me for a while (or if you follow me on instagram) you have heard me share a bit about my pregnancy, our recent move from SF to Connecticut, and other things about my life as a woman, mom, wife, and coach.
The reason I share some of these things with you is because that is were I learn my own lessons that are actually grounded in LIFE (versus in theory).
I hope that these lessons are helpful for you and that you can use some of the insights and thoughts I have for your own life.
Many of you have been curious about this birth because we are obviously in a time when anxiety is high and everyone is trying to avoid the hospital. Plus, I myself, have been open about the worries I felt about giving birth safely during such strange times.
A huge thanks to all of you who have reached out to send love and strength over the last weeks. It has meant so much to me.
In a nutshell, here is how my birth went and a few key things I learned from this whole experience:
I asked my midwives to be induced at 39 weeks so that I could prepare and plan for care for Felix and Hendrix (my dad was supposed to come from Europe and take care of the boys while we're in the hospital, but that obviously couldn't happen).
This was a difficult decision for me, because I always want things to go as naturally as possible and to leave the choice for when to come into this world up to my baby.
That being said, one of the key things I have learned over the last weeks is the importance of ADAPTABILITY and not over-attaching myself to an original desire when the external environment shifts.
Adaptability is far more important than having the perfect plan.
Being able to adapt over the last few weeks is what ultimately allowed me to move out of worry, fear, and resistance and return to a feeling of personal power and self ownership.
When we went to the hospital I didn't know what exactly to expect, but I imagined that the hospital would feel tense, the nurses stressed, and the general energy on edge.
I was wrong.
While everyone did wear face-masks and I was swapped for COVID, every nurse and midwife I came in contact with was warm, calm, patient and caring. The floors of the labor and delivery unit were as welcoming to birthing mothers and new life as they could possibly have been. I truly felt safe and taken care of even knowing that other areas of the hospital were likely not as calm.
What I learned is that anxiety is a result of fear coupled with the unknown. Anxiety isn't grounded in anything real, it is simply a fearful anticipation of what might be.
In other words, it is important to keep an eye out for the stories we tell ourselves internally.
We always have a choice: Will you inner stories about what will happen to you or how something will go be grounded in calm trust and a positive faith that things will be okay, OR, are you inner stories allowed to run haywire, grounded in dramatic outcomes that make you a passive agent?
To wrap up my birth story: everything went very smoothly and peacefully. While this birth was my longest, it was also my easiest (ya know, the road's been paved twice before so π€·πΌββοΈπ
).
I knew from my first two births how my body reacts in labor and so I was able to ask for the epidural on time (Hendrix was born very fast and completely without any medication, which I am proud of but also didn't have to do again;)).
Zoe was born an hour after I got the epidural and emerged after just 5 pushes.
I had a slightly different birth intention for each of my children's births.
With Felix I was determined to have a natural birth without any medication to help with pain. I ended up getting the epidural and at least initially felt disappointment that I couldn't do it all naturally.
By the time I gave birth to Hendrix, I was all about getting the epidural again, but didn't have time and gave birth to him completely naturally.
And with Zoe, because my pregnancy was more challenging and I didn't feel as strong, I knew I wanted to go through as little pain as possible, so I made sure I got the epidural early enough.
The reason I am sharing this is because I think it's important to know that there is no right way to birth, AND, in fact, THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO ANYTHING IN LIFE.
That then means that there's a million ways to get it RIGHT.
When we decide what path to choose, what matters is that we tune in, know what we need and how to best support ourselves and set an intention as best as we can, AND THEN, LET GO.
Most of the time things go differently from what we expect and that's ok. Life unfolds on its own terms and we need to make sure that we don't lose ourselves in disappointment and "what ifs."
So let me ask you:
Where are you attached to a certain outcome or picture of how things are "supposed" to go or look, but where you really need to adapt and allow a new picture to emerge? Think about the areas in your life where you feel frustration or resistance.
Where do you feel anxiety in your life? Dissect the story you've created around that particular topic. What is the story saying about you? Are you a powerful, positive, deserving agent in this story you (unconsciously) created or are you a passive, undeserving bystander or victim?
Where do you need to practice more self-compassion? Where do you just need to let it go and move on? Where do you need to set a positive intention without getting attached to the outcome?
Sending you lots of love to wherever you are!
xo
Caroline