Do you worry too much? Do this.
The other night I was reading a fiction book (which should remain nameless) and I hated it so much that I threw it into the corner.
Desperate for something else to read before going to bed, I reached for a book on my husband’s nightstand: Dan Harris’ book “10% happier.”
Now, truth be told, this is an unlikely book for me to go for… I’m more the “100% happier” kind of gal if you know what I mean;)
But, at 10pm, here I was diving into the story of a famous anchorman’s journey into mindfulness and meditation.
Aaaannnnd… I LOVE IT!
I am not completely through with it, but feel his approach and outlook are really refreshing. I have laughed, chuckled to myself, and gotten a bunch of new, SIMPLE insights.
Here is the one I feel compelled to share with you today, PARTICULARLY, if you know that feeling of “worrying too much” just a little bit too well:
Harris was talking to his meditation teacher about the fact that he believes that sometimes worrying is also helpful. Isn’t it the way we eventually find solutions to problems? “These (our worries) are not just irrelevant thoughts.”
Good point, right?
His teacher responds by validating him, BUT points out one crucial point in our worrying process that so many of us often miss: The point when worrying stops solving a problem and becomes self-destructive and flat-out useless instead.
Detecting this point isn’t easy, but, the more I think about, the more I realize how crucial it is to cultivate this kind of awareness for our own thought processes.
For example, his meditation teacher suggests:
“When you find yourself running through your trip to the airport for the seventeenth time, perhaps ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this useful?’.”
I know this is such a simple question and such a seemingly small act, but when I read those lines, I also found them profound and deeply applicable to a number of scenarios I recognize in my own life.
Plus, I just love the simplicity of it so freaking much (we live in a complicated enough world after all, don’t we?!)
I have since used that question almost daily in different situation.
Here are two example:
We are in the process of moving and I found myself worrying about our next place when the truth is that I have no control over it, yet. Worrying consisted of me making up unpleasant scenarios and projecting them into the future as if they were already true. Useful? NO.
When I try to get Hendrix, my two-year old, to do anything these days, his most common response is “No, thank you.” (At least he’s polite haha). We have been in this pattern where I try to be patient and more patient and then try to convince him. But, truth be told, I never win and it’s just maddening. Is my response and behavior useful? NO. So, I need to change my thought-process and approach.
What I have found is that it’s easy to find and FEEL an answer to this simple question “Is this useful?”, which makes it so much easier to let go of a thought or activity that doesn’t serve me, is just wasting time and energy, or simply isn’t actually solving anything.
In other words, you should try it:)
Next time when you find yourself worrying over the same thing for the tenth time or you are trying with all your might to solve a problem and it’s just not working, take a step back and assess “Is this useful?”
I bet you will find relief, gain some perspective and won’t feel like your worries have such a tight grip over you.
Love,
Caroline
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